NOVEMBER 1983

My body did not do pregnant easily.  Having my son was a 5 year journey and every day I’m grateful for the gift of his life.  I nearly lost him half-way through my pregnancy, which may explain why I was an over-protective mom.  At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Motherhood stretched me in ways I didn’t know I could – or would want – to be stretched.  It forced me to heal my own childhood, taught me about unconditional love, and instilled in me unexpected pairings of qualities: flexibility & strength, love & forgiveness, spontaneity & structure, acceptance & limitations, and respect for grace & mystery.

Being his mom taught me how to play!  He “surfed” in my rocking chair, swam like a shark, and built blanket forts for living room camping.  I assembled bicycles, built Lego space ships, and installed a rope swing over the creek.

We took road trips, camped on the beach, made picnics on the mountain, cruised to Alaska, and visited Disneyland more times than I can count.  He tried his hand at gymnastics, music, karate and tennis; turned out math is his passion.

Learning to let go was the hardest part of motherhood: allowing him to be who he was instead of who I thought he would be, watching him stumble, helping him explore choices without imposing my own preferences, and ultimately accepting that he has a life separate from mine.

I didn’t do motherhood perfectly; it required a level of awareness and consistency that I’m still developing.  There are a few experiences I wish I could do over.  But I did one thing really well: ending the cycle of abuse.  For that – and the sheer joy of watching his life bloom – being his mother remains the best thing I have ever done with my life.  There is no love equal to the love I have for my son.

Today I admire him for his commitment to living his life on purpose, his passion for his career as a teacher, and his unwavering dedication to his family.

He is gentle, kind, strong, protective, loving, fair, generous, and a beautiful role model for his sons.

I’m NOT DONE YET enjoying this child of mine who has grown into such a fine man!